


Selfie

by engmaresh



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Multi, Slice of Life, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engmaresh/pseuds/engmaresh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>hey mom</i>, Darcy writes one day in a Facebook private message. That’s the only way to guarantee her mom will see it. <i>i’m dating my boss and a norse god. love, me.</i></p><p>Her mom's reply?<br/><i>Pics or it didn’t happen. :)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fleete](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleete/gifts).



_hey mom_ , Darcy writes one day in a Facebook private message. That’s the only way to guarantee her mom will see it. _i’m dating my boss and a norse god. love, me._

Later that day she checks on it and finds a reply. _Pics or it didn’t happen. :)_

“Would I really joke about this kind of thing?” Darcy mutters under her breath as she scrolls through the pictures on her phone, looking for one of all three of them. There’s only one, after their first threesome, clearly taken with hands shaky from the best multiple orgasms ever. Half of Jane’s face is tired, self-satisfied smile and Thor is a giant blond smudge. All that can be seen of Darcy between them both is her hair and a thumb covering the bottom right corner of the image.

Right. Darcy’s shameless but there’s no way she’s sending that to her mom. Not to mention that the selfie’s crap quality will hardly count as proof.

Has she really only got one sucky photo of the wonderful but still occasionally confusing threesome she kinda-sorta fell into? Self, she thinks, I am disappoint.  Of course, usually she’s the one doing the documentation of astrophysicist and Norse god in their natural and non-natural habitats, the only exception being a series of pictures consisting of Thor’s huge thumb and bits of Jane or Darcy sticking out in the background. There’s also a rather large number of pictures that have both Thor and Jane in them, but most of them have Jane’s face blocked by the eyepiece of a telescope, a microscope or her laptop screen. And Thor is always a blurr of motion in them, the photograph only capturing the tail of his shirt, or the tip of his ponytail as he whizzes around doing Jane’s bidding. 

Ah, wait, there, there’s one that could work. In it Jane’s eyes are glued to the magic ball Thor brought back for her from Asgard, eyes alight with SCIENCE. Look close enough and the manic glint of mad scientist lurking within tiny-nerd-astronomer can be glimpsed in those big brown eyes. Thor’s face can be seen through one of the infinity loops that the ball had twisted into, love light shinning in his eyes as he watches one of the women he loves go into paroxysms of nigh-orgasmic science glee at the sight of a children’s toy.

Okay… so that came out a bit wrong. But Jane’s science-sexual fervor for it is totally understandable seeing that it’s apparently made from a metal alloy that doesn’t exist on earth, defies gravity without any visible booster whatsoever and can morph into a flying snakey-thing you can play tag with. Hell, Tony Stark went green with envy when he saw it and now Thor has promised to bring one back for every Avenger from his next trip to Asgard. Whoever sells these over there must be swimming in money. Hey, maybe she should start importing these, make millions, and retire by the time she’s twenty-five.

Darcy has one magic ball too, since Thor knew that wresting Jane’s new science experiment away from her would be nigh impossible. He’s been teaching Darcy some of the games Asgardian children play with it; there are the usual toss-and-catch games for the younger kids, and another that’s akin to handball that’s definitely not meant for delicate human hands and wrists. And then there’s the tag-like one, which is Darcy’s favorite. Which Jane hates and has banned it from her lab despite the combined forces of Norse god Bambi-eyes and not-Norse but still pretty goddess-like (in bed, according to Jane so: hah!) pouting being directed against her. Yeah, so Darcy was the one who slipped on the sandwich and bumped into Jane who jabbed her eye against the eyepiece of her microscope and then fell over and hit her head on the edge of her desk resulting in a concussion, but look, Jane’s the one who left the sandwich on the floor in the first place so it’s not one-hundred percent Darcy’s fault.

But Jane’s no-fun-in-the-living-room-that-I’ve-converted-into-Lab-3.0-not-like-I’ve-already-got-two-others rule has been somewhat easier to bear with Thor joining Darcy in the doghouse. He dropped a few points on the “most wonderful boyfriend” scale for laughing his head off while helping them both off the floor, and continuing to chortle while getting an icepack for Jane’s head and eye. 

Aaanyway, back to the picture, which is definitely a very nice one ( _there_ , now it’s the background on her phone) but also sans Darcy, which would make Darcy’s mom very sad.

(Or not, not really, but Darcy just really wants to send her a picture of all three of them.)

Very well then, time to quest for a threesome photo. Without the threesome. A triumvirate pic? Sounds too… fanfic-y. A boyfriend-girlfriend pic. What do people call these relationships anyway? Hi, my name is Darcy Lewis. This is my boyfriend and this is my girlfriend. We all have sex and we cuddle. It’s more fun than a love triangle.

Thor has it easy. He just says lovers and gets away with it because hey, old-timey alien! Jane probably thinks of them as science 2 and science 3, science 1 being of course astrophysics.

Back to the subject at hand, Darcy! Threesome selfie time!

“Jane!” she yells, even though there’s a 99.999% chance Jane can’t hear her because science. Also because this really nice apartment Tony Stark gave Thor is pretty huge.

“Thor,” she yells, because there’s a 99.999% percent chance that Thor and his super Asgardian hearing heard her call for Jane, and is already looking for Darcy.

“Hey Thor, can you drag Jane away from her science for a sec I–”

And because while the universe loves her (hey, she’s in a relationship with a sexy Norse god and a sexy nerd scientist), it also has to balance it out with the occasional suckiness, so the alarm goes off. The RED-LIGHTS-FLASHING, SIRENS-BLARING, TAKE-COVER-OH-GOD-SAVE-US-ALL kind of alarm, that makes Darcy flinch just because it's so overwhelming.

And just when the crazy lights and the you-are-going-to-die noise are about to become too much, there’s sort of a muffled boom followed by the sound of plaster cracking and then, thank ~~sweet baby Jesus~~ Thor, there’s blessed silence. And a warm, all-encompassing hug by her favorite god who smells like ozone and makes her hair frizz and is about to kick some bad-guy butt. “Be safe,” she whispers, and he nods and apparently, like in the movies, all disasters have enough time for Big Damn Kiss (with tongue). Mmm, tastes like coffee.

“I will see you soon,” Thor murmurs, runs a hand through her hair, probably to make her not look like a young, hot, genderbent Einstein and thus give Jane a heart attack, and then _wooooosh_! He’s gone.

“You’d better!” Darcy yells in parting, even if he can’t hear her anymore. Then she yells, “Jane!” because even science can’t distract Jane from eardrum-busting alarms and Norse god gonna-kick-ass kisses, and she’s probably in her lab crying angrily because the flashing lights there are reflecting off the computer screen making it hard to see figures.

Unless Thor busted those alarms too. Serves Tony Stark right. 

* * *

A swarm of semi-sentient robots attacking New York is enough to take something as banal as a photograph off anyone’s mind, until Darcy finds this absolutely perfect Kodak moment of Jane and Thor playing Mario Kart 8 – Jane losing abysmally.

“Hey guys,” she says, whipping out her cellphone, “could you look up for a second?”

“No,” rumbles Thor, almost knocking Jane over as he leans into her as while Bowser takes a sharp corner.

Jane gives as good as she gets, elbowing him away even as she executes her own edge-of-the-rainbow-bridge turn, until the controller suddenly drops from her fingers and she leaps to her feet.

“Sorry, lab,” is her only explanation, then she’s gone.

“You’re only running away because Thor was gonna win again!” Darcy yells after her.

Sure enough, Thor whizzes over the finish line a few seconds later and throws his hands up in victory. Not that it’s really fair, since Jane left Mario to die in a fiery wreck. Even if Thor would have won despite her staying

“How about a kiss for your champion?” Thor asks, the smooth bastard, and Darcy allows herself to be pulled into his lap.

Unsurprisingly, it turns into more than that, and when Thor looks up from a toe-curlingly awesome session of cunnilingus to ask her what she was about to say earlier (“Why are you stopping? Don’t stop!”) of course the selfie is the last fucking thing on her mind.

* * *

“Hey, Thor, Jane, you both have a moment? My mom–”

Is apparently never getting this picture because right at this moment, a Doombot kindly decides to welcome itself into their humble home. Darcy is sorely tempted to kick it in its stupid metal head, but _crunch_. No more head. Thor drops a lumpy metal ball into Jane’s hands, who looks less than pleased that she’s no longer in danger of being lasered, but now has to soulder and pry open the head to get to the sparky, microchippy goodness inside.

“You know, what? Never mind.”

* * *

It’s movie night, and the movie of the night is Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Jane has the drinks and Thor has the giant bowl of popcorn and Darcy has the perfect window of opportunity, barring another emergency of some sort, which is _not_ allowed to happen because they’re back in Puente Antiguo, which has a waaaaay lower probability of being attacked by evil robots than New York (okay that one time doesn’t count because that was before the three of them started dating and Darcy embarked on the quest for The Selfie, and also Loki’s dead and Doom’s in hiding, so really, there should be NO evil robots appearing here whatsoever.

And now she’s jinxed it.)

“Okay, stop right there.”

“Yes, ma'am,” quips Jane, putting down the drinks before she ticks off a sloppy salute.

“Kinky, Jane, but not now.” Darcy pulls her phone out of her pocket. “We are going to take a nice picture of the three of us, I’m gonna send it to my mom, she will squee and then she will not stop nagging me until she gets to meet you two.”

The prospect of meeting the parent seems to unnerve Jane a little bit, but Thor beams and throws his arm around her. “Excellent!” he booms, curling his other arm around Darcy’s waist as she plonks herself into his lap.

“Say ‘cheese’!”

Thor grins his giant sunshiney grin, even Jane musters a happy, not science-related smile, and Darcy beams up at the tiny camera lens winking at her from the end of her outstretched arm like some mischievous god of failed selfie quests.

This picture had better turn out good.

And for once fortune favors her because everyone’s faces are in the frame, no one looks fuzzy around the edges and…. It’s beautiful. They’re beautiful.

“Oh god,” Darcy says, eyes feeling suspiciously watery as she throws her arms around her boyfriend and her girlfriend. “I love you two so much.”

Movie night turns into slow-sweet-sex-on-the-couch-with-movie-after night. The popcorn got kicked to the floor, the drinks are watery from melted ice, but Darcy’s got naked, happy Jane snuggled up against her and soon she’ll have Thor too once he’s gotten the second batch of popcorn.

Darcy grabs her phone from the floor.

“What are you doing?” Jane murmurs, nuzzling deeper into Darcy’s side.

“Sending my mom that picture I took of us.”

And looks like mom’s online because the answer is immediate. > _That is such a sweet picture. I am so happy for you, baby!_

_> >thanks mom_

_> But three weeks, dear?_

_> >robot attacks mom! and i forgot_

_> Well guess what. Ellen from down the road came by the other day, and there was a picture of you three on the cover of the Enquirer!_

_> >whaaat? noooooo_

_> See for yourself._

It’s terrible. Darcy needs to sue the Enquirer. The picture must be from last week, when they went out for ice cream. Thor had all but gulped his down, then he’d leaned over to kiss Darcy, only to accidentally smush her ice-cream between their chests. Through his godlike powers, he walked away with a tiny smudge. Darcy was the one with cookies n’ cream all over her boobs, and not in the fun way.

Of course the pap had managed to capture that perfect moment, where she grimaced down her shirtfront while Thor, momentarily oblivious to the damage he’d caused, has turned to kiss Jane too. _THREESOME TROUBLE?_ the headline screamed.

“Ugh, that’s it,” Darcy says as Thor squeezes himself next to Jane. “I’m breaking up with the both of you for making me look bad on the front page of the freakin' _Enquirer_.”

“Okay,” says Jane, still drifting in her post-orgasmic haze as she grabs some popcorn from Thor. Tomorrow she’ll freak because the front page of the National Enquirer is no place for a Nobel Prize winning scientist to be but, hey, she’ll deal with it. Thor looks confused, but Darcy blows him a kiss and a wink and he brightens.

_> >bye mom im gonna hide my face forever_

_> Nonsense. I want to meet Thor and Jane. How about next weekend?_

_> >Sure._

_> >we’re having movie night tonight and thor’s antsy about the end of the star wars OT. talk later. love you_

_> Oh he’s going to love it. Love you too, Darcy. Say hi to Thor and jane from me._

_> >will do. night mom_

“How fares your mother?” asks Thor.

“She’s fine. She says ‘hi’ by the way. And wants us to visit next weekend.”

“But–” says Jane.

“No buts,” Darcy interrupts, and throws some pieces of popcorn at her girlfriend. Some bounce off, a few catch on Jane’s mussed hair, and one tenacious piece sticks to her sweaty forehead. “We’ve already met yours. And wait– don’t remove that, Thor grab her hand! Now smile!”

 

_end_


End file.
